i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
