meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
bring money and cleavage
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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