finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
