Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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