ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
