Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
