May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
