I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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