Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
