We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
