I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
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