was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
