after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
her facebook's as public as her vagina
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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