Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
