My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
