We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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