so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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