I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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