I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
