This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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