What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize