oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
