You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
