Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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