so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
