OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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