im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
