My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
