the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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