When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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