if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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