sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just wanna soil my oats bro
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Randomize
