Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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