Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize