All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I don't deserve a penis
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
