The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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