oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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