I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize