I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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