Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize