Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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