I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
