i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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