its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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