I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
