It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
