No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
