Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
