When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize