His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
