My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
