What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
3pm strippers are depressing
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
