Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
