Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
