who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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