Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
