im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
