I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
