just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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