she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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