I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
