I cannot find my penis.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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