I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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