i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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