just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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