My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
