now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
