I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
should my penis look like a turkey
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
