The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
