I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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